COSMIC GROIN PULL
by OFFICIAL CHOPS WRITING
Summary: A MCFLY FANFICTION. IN THIS STORY THEY GET INTO ALL KINDS OF HIJINK AND MISCHIEF. CONTAINS ADULT THEMES AND LANGUAGE. JUST A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE. EXTREME LAUGHS AND NUDITY! READ AND REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

COSMIC GROIN PULL

As some of you may know I have been writing a serious, McFly fanfic. Well, I have grown a little bored with it, and I figure that some of you would like a funny one just for entertainment. So here, I offer you, Cosmic Groin Pull. The title of this piece is from George Carlin (RIP) and it is dedicated to him. (You are missed Georgie) Anyhow, this is the story. As usual, this work contains highly offensive material, concepts and remarks. This does not support my views in any way shape or form. It is only meant to be funny and I have nothing against other races, religions and or sexual orientations. So just relax and enjoy the show. I do not own Twinkies either peace and love Ryo Kyo

CHAPTER ONE

Tom: I like Twinkies.

Dougie: Me too.

Danny: I don't.

T: What the fuck is wrong with you?!

Da: Nothing.

Do: So what you are saying is, you don't like Twinkies?

Da: No. I hate them, but you love them.

Do: So? What's your goddamn point?

T: Isn't today your birthday?

Do: Yeah. Why?

-Danny sticks his head out of the window-

Da: Yo! Harry bring it out!

Da: Why is he bringing his dick out?

T:Who is bringing their dick out?

Da: NOBODY!

Do: HOLY FUCKIN' SHIT!! A TWINKIE MOBILE!

T: Goldenly goodness.

Do I can't wait to eat it.

Da: Don't be a dumbass!

Harry: You know that is hard for him. It's one that you can drive you know.

T:Awesome.

Do: My life goal is complete!

H: What?

Do: M life goal was to get and drive a Twinkie mobile.

Da: Good Lord.

T:It's a small world! That is my life goal too!

Do:Is that your life goal too, Danny?

Da: NO! I'm not a complete stupid asshole.

T:Oh, well. Your loss then.

-20 MINUTES LATER INSIDE THE TWINKIE MOBILE-

H: Slow the fuck down! You are going over the speed limit!

Do: Fuck the speed limit. It's my birthday and I am going to do what I want to do.

H: Try telling that to the cop.

Do: What fucking cop?

Da: That cop.

-Dougie looks in the rearview mirror-

Do: DAMN!

T: Damn what?

Do: Damn I look good!

H: We're screwed.

Da: Tell me about it.

T: We're screwed!!

Da: I didn't mean it literally!

T: This is great.

Da: Yeah. Speakding at 3 AM in a fuckin' giant Twinkie on wheels of all things!

Do: Shut it. Hi Officer! Like my Twinkie?

H: That's just dirty!

Cop: Shut the fuck up!

H: Okay.

C: What the fuck are you driving?

Da: A Twinkie mobile.

C: Damn you sweet young thing!

Da: Excuse me?

C: I have always dreamed of a woman like you sucking the cream filling out of my Twinkie.

- All three of them break into silent laughter-

H: That's gross!

C: Where are you guys headed?

T: Sex Jams. It's Dougie's birthday.

H: It's a convention.

C: Is that pretty thing going to be there? Does she have a name?

Do: Can we get a please escort?

C: Can I get a name?

Do: Her name is Dan...Danielle.

C: That is sexy! Of course I can give you fellas, and pretty lady an escort.

-Cop goes back to his car-

Da: WHAT A SICK FUCK!

-Dougie laughs-

Da: And all of you guys are sick fucks for going along with it.

H: Sorry, it was too hard not to go along with.

T: Yeah. Thanks to your delicate female features we are able to get to the convention early.

H: More time to fuck around.

Do: I got us VIP tickets.

Da: Hmm? How the fuck did you get those?

Do: I am a subscriber.

H: A subscriber?

T: Yeah. He subscribes to Hustler.

Do: Actually, I got these tickets from Shaved.

T: Shaved?

Da: Who got shaved? Where are they get shaved?

H: It is a magazine.

Do: Yeah. And I got the Christmas package from them for Christmas.

Da: Fuck me! I am going to subscribe.

H: Did you know that Dougie's sister is a Playboy bunny?

-Dougie crashes into the car in front of him. The cop stops next to them-

T: What the fuck?

Da: Where did you learn to drive, fuck stain?

H: Fuck stain?

T: Those are hard to get off your sheets!

-All of them quite down after Tom says this-

Do: We didn't need to know about your dirty laundry.

H: Though I have to agree with Tom. Those be some tough stains.

Da: Is that why they have disposable sheets at the convention?

T: Yeah.

Do: Oh…I thought that it was free stuff. I took a whole box of them.

Da: URGH! You stole sheets with someone else's pussy juice on them!

H: Maybe someone's used condom is stuck in the sheets!

T: STD SHEETS!!

Do: Pussy juice? Can you buy that at Food Mart?

Da: Yeah. You can buy that at Food Mart.

T: Maybe if you are lucky you can purchase someone else's used condoms there, too.

-Cop pulls up closer to them-

C: What the fuck are you doing? You stupid son of a bitch!

T: This guy hit your sweet young thing.

-Tom points at Dougie-

C: Did you hit my sex queen you low life piece of shit?!

Do: NO!

H: Don't get your ass hairs in a twist, Dougie.

C: Yeah. That is just what a lying prick with his ass hairs caught in a twist would say!

Da: You tell 'em!

C: Anything for you, my sex goddess.

-Dougie and Tom cough-

C: What the fuck was that for?

T: Allergies.

H: Yeah it must be Danny's aftershave.

C: Danny's aftershave?!

H: No! I mean perfume. Dani is Danielle's nickname.

C: Oh. Well, fuck you all. I think it's sexy. It makes me all wet.

H: Sweet gentle Jesus!

Do: I think that I am going to be sick!

H: Me too.

T: Me three.

Da: I was already sick. All over the back seat.

Do: Hey! You're paying for the dry cleaning of that motherfucker!

H: That's just sick. If anyone else is going to vomit, please do so out of the window.

C: Let's get a move on. If he hurts you again, my sex muffin, give me a call.

-Cop hands Danny a piece of paper with his number on it and then leaves-

T: I'm impressed.

Da: I'm not. What a sick fuckin' asshole! Giving ME his number and shit.

H: Well, just think, that if you get in any trouble you have someone who will bail your ass out.

Da: Ha. Ha. You fuck.

H: Hey Danny, remember that time when my mum thought that you were my wife? That was some funny-ass shit.

Da: I do not recall.

Do: How convenient that he doesn't remember when he is getting a new asshole grilled into him.

Da: You know, I wouldn't mind if it were a female cop.

T: What if she liked you because she thought that you were a girl?

H: Lesbians?  
Da: Fuck, I'm down with that. Lesbians are hot!

H: You're a pig. A sick perverted pig.

Do: Were you slapping the ham to the cop's photo?  
Da: What? Where would you get such a sick fucking idea from? Fucks wrong with you?!

T: Um…his number is on the back of his work photo.

-Danny passes out-

Do: I wonder if he is dreaming about his super cop.

H: Maybe we should just go.

T: Good idea.

THAT WAS PART ONE OF COSMIC GROIN PULL! I HOPE YOU ALL LIKE IT. THERE WILL BE NO UPDATE UNTIL I HAVE SUFFICAINT REVIEWS. AT LEAST 5. IT'S NOT THAT HARD PEOPLE! LOL


	2. Chapter 2

COSMIC GROIN PULL CHAPTER 2!

TOM: Fuckin' right! We're finally at the convention!

HARRY: Where's the cop?

DANNY: Christ, don't remeind me and don't get Dougie going. I don't need to hear his bullshit right now.

T: Fuckin' a! Here he comes now!

-Danny looks out the window-

Da: FUCK ME!

DOUGIE: Don't yell that. He might want to come up behind you and fuck you.

Da: Oh God!

T: We already know about your anal enjoyments so you don't need to share.

COP: Who's got anal enjoyments? Oh, yeah. I want you guys to meet my son, Denny.

H: Nice to meet you.

Do (in whispers to Danny and Tom): Talk about anal enjoyments.

-All three snicker quietly-

C: Son, meet my sex goddess.

Da: Hi.

T(in whispers to Dougie) He's a good actor.

Denny: DAMN GIRL YOU NEED A MINT! What the fuck were you doing back there some eyes. Where you sucking some dong back there?

Da: Pretty eyes?

Do: Dong?

H: Sucking?

C: Let's go and get some good seats.

De: Uh, dad?

C: What is it son?

De: It's about your sex goddess...

C: I'm so proud!

De: Huh? What are you proud of?

C: You want to fuck her too son!

De: That's not it at all.

C: What is it then?

De: Your sex goddess is a dude.

C: HOLY FUCK! I can't belive it. It's not true!

De: It's true dad.

C: Why didn't you just tell me that you were gay? Why did you have to go and make a big deal out of it? And then you have to go and bring Danielle into it.

Da: Thank you!

De: I'm not gay! You told me her nickname was Danny. Danny is a guys name. And he is a guy!

Cop: Horse Muffins!

T: What the fuck do you think you are doing?!

-Denny swings the door to the Twinkie Mobile-

Do: What the fuck?!

-Denny grabbs at Danny-

Da: RAPE!!

T: I have seen enough homosexuality today. I think that I am set for the rest of my life.

H: Tell me about it.

C: What are you doing, Denny?!

Do: He's molesting Danielle!

C: HOLY FUCK!

-Cop climbs into the Twinkie Mobile-

H: Hey!

C: Shut your hole or your ass is under arrest!

H: Fair enough.

C: Denny! Get off of her!

Da: RAPE! MOLEST! RAPE! HELP!!

H: I wish I had some popcorn.

T: Yeah, well, that cop wants a corn dog.

-Dougie chokes-

Do: That's fucking disgusting!

De: Would a girl have these?!

-Denny rips off Danny's pants-

T: Hey! Those are my boxers!

C: Your boxers? Why is my sex puppet wearing them?!

-Cop tackles Tom-

T: HOLY SWEET JESUS!

VOICE: Freexe you fuckin' perverts!

-Everybody freezes-

GAURD: All of you out of that thing now, hands up!

-All get out of the Twinkie Mobile-

G: Why arn't you wearing pants?

Da: It's a long story. They were ripped off by a little pervert.

G: So, which one of you sick fucks did it?

H: What do you mean?

G: You all look preety small to me.

Do: HEY! HEY! HEY! You can say that about everybody else, but me. I am built like a race horse in that area.

-Dougie drops his pants-

T: I didn't know that you liked to wear man-thongs too!

-Tom pulls his pants down-

H: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!

-Dougie pulls Harry's pants down.-

H: WHAT THE FUCK MAN?!  
De: Why are you wearing your girlfriend's panites?

Da: Your girlfriend's panties, man?

C: That's fucked up.

H: I wear her panites to keep her scent in my heart.

Do: You gorss fuck!

De: Speaking of fucked up, you all have some serious issues.

C: Yeah, you all do.

Da: Your fucked up more than the rest of us! You think that I am a girl!

C: You're not a girl?

Da: If I was a girl I would have tits, and I wouldn't have such a nice penis!

-Danny pulls his boxers down-

G: HOLY SHIT!

-Gaurd writes a ticket and sticks it over Danny's crotch-


	3. Chapter 3

COSMIC GROIN PULL CHAPTER 3

Danny: Goddamn that hurt! That tore off a shitload of my pubic hair.

Tom: Thanks for sharing.

Dougie: I'm sure it will grow back. I'm sure that is not that bad.

-Danny pulls down his pants-

Harry: I guess that is pretty bad.

-Pulls his pants back up-

-Tom turns around to see Danny pulling his pants back up-

T: JESUS CHRIST!

H: You could have knocked.

Da: We weren't doing anything!!

T: Yeah, that is what we all say.

-Danny and Dougie leave to go play video games-

Do: JESUS!

H: That was interesting.

Da: Why does everyone thing that I am doing something dirty when I'm not?!

Do: Probably because you usually are.

Da: Why does everyone think that I am a guy, Dougie? I'm not a guy.

Do: Fuck. I know that.

Da: And I'm not gay.

-Dougie drops his playstation controller-

Do: What? You're not gay?!

-Tom and Harry come in-

T: Guys get ready to go, my mom is here to pick us up. Did I miss something here?

Do: Yeah. I'm in shock. Danny just told me that he is not gay.

T: FUCK ME!

Da: It's the truth!

H: Tom, why is it that the first word out of your moth is always a profanity?

T: Fuck that. Let's go.

H ( in whispers to Dougie): I always thought that he was gay.

Da: What are you assholes whispering about?

Do: How slow you are.

H: So unathletic.

-Danny slams the door shut behind him-

Da: THAT'S BULLSHIT! I PLAYED JV SOCCER!

H: Tom your mom is waiting.

-Dougie opens the passenger door-

Do: Good Lord!

Mom: What?

Do: Hold on.

-Dougie dashes to the back of the van to Harry and Tom-

Da: GODDAMN!

-Danny dashes to the back of the van-

Da: Tom, why is your mum wearing high price lingerie and nothing else?

Do: Who buys high priced lingerie for their mum?

H: I think that she came here with a plan in mind.

T: What kind of a plan?

H: A sex plan.

-They all get into the van like they have seen nothing-

Da: Fucks with all the cookies?!

M: LANGUAGE! Oh, those? I'm selling them.

T: Does anyone who helps you get a prophet?

M: Oh, yes.

T: Let's go sell some cookies!  
H(in whispers to Danny): Is he gay?

D(in whispers to Harry): I don't know. I never asked him.

M: Good luck with those cookies boys.

T: You're not comin' ma?

M: FUCK NO!!

T: Fine. I'll go.

M: I guess I really do need to wish you guys good luck.

H(in whispers to Danny and Dougie): How thoughtful of her to say that.

Da: Nice mother.

T: Fuck you.

Da: FUCK ME?! NO, FUCK YOU!

T: Too late, your girlfriend already did!

-Danny throws his paper at Tom. Tom opens the door and runs out. Danny chases after him. Dougie follows-

Da: YOU MOTHERFUCKER! I'M GONNA STICK A BOX OF THIN MINTS UP YOUR ASS!

T: You girlfriend already did too.

Da: Blow me.

T: Too late, Dougie already did.

Do: Like fuck I did! This outta be good.

-BACK INSIDE THE VAN-

M: Who's getting fucked?

H: Fuck me if I know.

M: Fuck you?

H: Fuck me.

M: Yeah.

H: What?

-Tom's mom tackles Harry into the backseat-

H: HOLY SHIT!

-Back with Tom and the gang-

-All still arguing-

Da: It wasn't me! It was Harry's mum!

Do: She gives the best handjobs-

T: What?

Da: That's enough! I don't want to know. And I don't want to hear any more filth about my mum or anyone else's mum.

Do: Let's get back to your mum's van.

T: Good Idea.

-Dougie opens the back door-

Do: OH, MY SWEET GINGERBREAD JESUS!

T: It can't be that bad.

-Tom gets an eye full of Harry and his mum-

T: Get off her, man!

Da: Talk about a motherfucker.

T: I will break your shit off if you ever touch my mother again!!

-Harry gets dressed fast-

Da: I have never seen anyone get dressed that fast in my life.

Do: Me neither. Only undressed.

M: Harry, you are my love doctor.

T: He is going to have a date with a real doctor when I get finished with him.

Da(in whispers to Dougie): What a load of shit! I am the real love doctor!

H(In whispers to): Oh, yeah. He really enchanted that cop. Right on Mr. Love Doctor.

-Dougie and Harry slap high fives-

Da: FUCK YOU!

M: Nobody is getting fucked!

T: Except you ma.

-Mum swings at Tom, when she does this she cuts the wheel sending the van flying over the guard rail-

H: Holy shit!!

Do: Great! Now I am going to die a virgin!

Da: What? I didn't know that you were a virgin!

T: I thought that you got it on with your ex-girlfriend.

Do: I lied!

Da: That is disappointing. Even Harry got some ass.

H: Excuse me?

Da: It was old ass, but ass non-the less.

M: Old?

Da: Yeah, old.

T: You got any popcorn Harry? This is getting good!

Do: I haven't had this much fun since college!

T(in whispers to Dougie): Are you really a virgin?

Do(in whispers to Tom): Yeah. Why?

T(in whispers to Dougie) You never double clicked some broads mouse?

Do(in whispers to Tom): Never.

T: YOU HOMO!

M: Danny you are sick. I can't wait to tell you mother.

Da: What?

-Mum pulls up at Danny's mum's house-

Daddy's mum: What happened to the van?

TM: We had a little accident.

DM: Christ.

-Danny, Dougie and Tom get out-

-Tom's mom leaves with Harry and Danny's mum-

Danny: I can only imagine what is going down later tonight.

-All three go inside and into Danny's old bedroom-

-Nikki is naked on Danny's bed-

(ALL IN WHISPERS)

Do: Fuck her. Fuck her brain out.

T: Suck her tits. Squeeze her buns.

Do&T: You know she wants it.

-Grace walks in-

Grace: For shame! I'm surprised at you.

Do: Ah, don't listen to that jerk off.

G: Jerk off?

T: Look at those gazongas!

G: What?

Do: You'll never get a better chance, Danny.

G: If you lay one finger on that helpless sleeping woman, you will hate yourself for the rest of you life.

-Danny rethinks his idea and weighs both sides of the situation.-

Da: I'll do it.

Do&T: FUCKING RIGHT!!

G: I'm disappointed.

-Grace gets thrown out of the room and Danny fucks Nikki-

Do: Thank God he got some pussy. All I need to do is get me some now.

-Door opens-

Nikki: DANNY!

Da: Huh?

-Danny looks up from the bed and sees Nikki in the doorway.-

Da: Oh, shit.

-Nikki slams the door and leaves-

T: Damn.

Da: Fuck. What am I doing to do?

Do: Don't ask me.

T: You fucked up. You trusted us.

-Tom and Dougie crack up-

Da: What is so goddamn funny, you fucks?

T: You did sleep with Nikki.

Da: Huh?

Do: In the doorway, that was her sister. You know, Nikki's sister that looks a lot like her. We all knew about it; she pretended to be Nikki catching you in the act.

Da: You guys are all assholes.


	4. Chapter 4

COSMIC GROIN PULL CHAPTER 4

There is no truth to this chapter. It is only to be meant for entertainment; so please do not get upset over this. This is only a fictional story.

-AT DANNY'S HOUSE-

-Danny comes home and opens the door-

Danny: What in the name of all that is holy?

Dougie: What?

-Dougie looks in-

Do: Sweet gingerbread, Jesus. Tom, get off of Harry's mum.

Tom's Mum: But, I haven't been ridden in months.

Harry: Shit. I'll be right back guys.

-Harry leaves to get something-

Da: Urgh! That's just sick! Get off of my couch! Well, at leasr you didn't do it in my bed.

Do: DANNY! COME QUICK!

-Danny hurries into his bedroom-

Da: Tom! What are you doing in my bed?

Tom: Taking a nap.

Da: Uh, okay.

-Tom grabs his clothes-

Do: Did you enjoy your nap?

H: You're goddamn right I did!

Da: Why were you talking a naked nap in my bed?

T: I like to feel the cotton of the sheets rubbing up against my ass.

-Harry arrives in the doorway-

H: TMI.

Da: Yeah, good to see that you put your pants on Harry.

Do: I agree. Last thing that I needed to see this morning is your cocktail frank.

-Dougie leaves to vomit and slams the door behind him-

TM: He may have a baby's penis, but he can still perform!

-Bathroom door slams open and Dougie yells from downstairs-

Do: GODDAMN! TOM HAVE YOU BEEN RIDING OLD WOMEN AGAIN?

-Dougie appears at the bedroom door-

Do: Danny, why the fuck are their granny-panties in your oven?

Da: What? Tom-

TM: Harry and I were getting kinky with the oven.

Da: Oh. I see. Wait! You were getting kinky with my oven?!

H: Yeah.

T: Not even I would go that far. Okay, maybe I would.

-Danny leaves to vomit-

-As he is returning his mother climbs out of his bed-

Da: What the fuck is going on in here? Mum?!

DM: Ah, we are just playing a game.

Do: What kind of game?

T: Cowboys and Indians.

Da: Oh.

Do:You better go and get your mum's panties out of the oven before we are buring something other then, them candles.

H: I'll get them.

T: To hell you will!

-Tom punches Harry-

H: Goddamn!

T: Let's go muffin.

-Harry and Tom's mum leave-

T: Hey! Where are you going with my mother?!

Do: The same place that you went to with his mother.

-Dougie points to Danny-

Da: Where'd you go with my mum?!

Do: He went to pleasure town with her.

Da: HE WENT WHERE WITH HER?!

-FLAMES ARE SHOOTING OUT OF DANNY'S ASS NOW-

DM: I am a down to Earth woman. And I am a grown adult. I will marry whoever I want to marry.

Do: Who's getting married?

DM: I am going to marry Tom.

Da: NO MOMMY! He's a bad man.

T: Do you know what this means?

Da: Someone is going to get their ass kicked?

T: No. I'm going to be your new daddy!

-Danny passes out-

H: Dude, he is out cold.

Do: Let's hit him.

-Danny opens his eyes-

Da: Where am I?

H: We're in a church.

Da: Did I die?

H: No.

Do: We are at a wedding.

Da: Who's wedding?

H: Tom's. He is marrying Elizabeth.

Da: Oh, thank God! I had the sickest dream that Tom was marrying my mom!

Do: Uh, it wasn't a dream. Your mother's first name is Elizabeth.

Da: SHIT!!

-Danny sits up and runs to the alter-

Priest: Does anyone have any objections? Anyone except Danny?

Da: Hey!

Do: You mum paid the priest to say that, so that you couldn't ruien her wedding.

Da: That asshole is going to ruien her life and she is worried about me rueining her wedding?

H: It would appear so.

Da: I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!

-DANNY TACKLES TOM AND STARTS TO PUNCH THE SHIT OUT OF HIM-

Da: Mum! He doesn't have a brain!

DM: And you don't have a penis. Now shut up.

P: Because Danny's objection doesn't count, I now pronounce you Husband and Wife.

H: Oh well.

Do: Poor Danny. He's really fucked now.

-Tom and Danny's mum leave.

Da: You son of a bitch! Do you have any idea of what you just did to me?!

-Danny throws a Bible at the priest.-

Da: You fuckin' cocksucker! You shithead!

-Priest leaves-

Da: What an asshole. Let's go.


	5. Chapter 5

COSMIC GROUN PULL CHAPTER 5

DANNY: You know this has all been a very inspirational thing for me.

DOUGIE: Are you feeling okay? How many cosmos have you had?

Da: Um, 9 or 10

HARRY: That's enough then.

Da: I meant 9 or 10 dozen.

H: Dozen?!  
Do: Gimme that!

-Dougie grabs Danny's Cosmo-

Da: I wrote a new song.

H: Really?

Da: Yeah. It's called "One of my best friends is an asshole."

(off key)

HE'S AN ASSHOLE!

HE STOLE MY MUMMY AWAY FROM ME.

HE'S AN ASSHOLE!

DID YOU HEAR ME MOMMY?

H: Let's get him home. He is going to have one hell of a hangover.

-Danny vomits into the punch bowl-

Da: Let's go fuckers!

-Harry and Dougie carry Danny out of the party-

Da: EAT SHIT TOM! I HOPE THAT YOU HAVE THE MASSIVE SHITS ON YOUR HONEYMOON!!

Do: Who's watching him tonight to make sure that he doesn't sneak out and kill Tom?

Da: YOU ARE A WHORE MA! YOU HEAR THAT? W-H-O-R-E! WHORE!

Do: Not it!

H: Shit. Why do I always have to watch him?

Do: Why? Because you have more worldly knowledge that the rest of us do. And because you are the only one that is free tonight.

H: Huh? Why is that?

Do: Well, me and Danny's mom might be going out for a night on the town. Tom is going to be on his honeymoon. You are to stay at Danny's tonight, seeing as your house is trashed from that humping party that you threw the other night. Tonight is going to be banging!

H: Okay. Okay, I was going to rent a movie, but I guess that I will hang out with Danny.

-Arrive at Danny's house-

Do: Okay, my wife is out of town, so my girlfriend is coming over.

Da: You're married?  
Do: Huh? Yeah. Did it in middle school. I don't know if it was valid, but that gal thinks it is. It's easier than arguing with her.

H: Girlfriend? I thought that you were happily married.

Do: I am when she is not around.

Da: She's never around. So why do you have a girlfriend?

Do: Because I do things with her that I can't do with my wife.

H: Why can't you do them with your wife?  
Do: JESUS CHRIST! I do things with her that I can't do with my wife, because my wife uses that mouth to kiss her father goodnight with.

H: I don't see what you – OH GOD!!

-INSIDE-

Da: Tuck me in mummy.

-Doorbell rings-

Do: Gotta go. He is all yours.

-Dougie dashes down the stairs.-

H: Motherfucker.

LATER

-Harry is sleeping and Danny is sneaking around-

Da: Puff the magic dragon lives by the sea….

-Danny works silently and swiftly gluing Harry's balls to the bed post-

H (mumbles): Oh…That feels so good. I love it when you are tonguing my balls. Keep going Jen.

Da (whispers): Who the fuck would want to tongue his balls? Who the fuck is Jen?

H: (mumbles): Jen Poynter.

Da: Who the fuck is that?

-Danny opens the door and flies into Dougie's room-

Da: DOUGIE!!

Do (muffled): What the fuck do you want?

Da: Do you have a sister named Jen?

-Dougie flies out from under the sheets-

Do: No. Why?

Da: Must be your wife then. 'Kay thanks.

Girlfriend: Wife? You are married?!

Do: Yes. No…Hypothetically yes.

-She slaps Dougie-

GF: Why are you sleeping with me then?

Do: I already went through this once. I am sleeping with you because I can do dirty things with you that I can't do with my wife.

Da: Are you pussy whipped?

Do: No! I'm not. Pussy whipped?

GF: What can't you do with her?

Do: You know. Hand jobs, blow jobs.

GF: Why?

Do: She cooks her father's meal with those hands and she uses that mouth to kiss her father goodnight.

Da: Makes perfect sense.

-Harry screams from the other room-

Do: What the fuck was that?

Da: I guess you wife made a surprise entrance.

Do: My wife? What about her?

Do: She's shacking up with Harry.

Do: Harry? Tom told me that he was fuckin' gay!!

Da: Huh. Guess not.

-Dougie runs into the other room-

Do: YOU SACK OF CUM! YOU WERE TAPPING MY WIFE'S INK WELL WITH YOUR PEN?!

H: So? You're fucking my sister in the next room.

Do: What?

H: That is my sister.

-Harry points to the doorway-

Da: That's your sister?  
H: You're goddamn right it is! Anne!

Do: You are Harry's sister? Why didn't you tell me?!

Anne: I tried, but my head was in your crotch. Then I forgot.

H: You're head was in his crotch!

Da: This is getting good.

Do: Fuck this shit. If you can fraternize with my wife then I can fraternize with your sister.

H: No! Those are two different things.

Da: He makes a good point.

A: He does. Wait on minute. Harry you were with a married woman?

Da: At least it isn't a married man!

-Harry tried to lung at Dougie-

H: MY BALLS! MY BALLS! THEY ARE GLUED TO THE BED!!

Do: OH MY GOD!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE GOING TO DO?

H: What are we going to do about my balls?

Da: I know. Now what is Dougie's wife going to play with?

-Dougie cracks Danny in the head-

A: I'll call poison control.

H: Tell that to my left nut. What good is that going to do?

Da: They totally know what to do.

Do: How the fuck do you know this?

Da: Oh, uh, we had to call that time that Dougie's sister's dildo broke off when she was using it.

Do: Oh GOD! Please kill me now.

-DOOR FLIES OPEN_

TOM: Holy fuck! Are they filling a movie in here?

Da: What the fuck do you want?

T: Some ass. Jesus! What happened to you?

A: He's got his balls glued to the bed post.

T: Did you glue them there sexy?

A: No, I am his sister.

T: What? How did he end up with such a sexy sister? I wish that I had a sister that hot!

Do: You're a sick fuck.

T: Hell, I would do my sister if she was that fine. We'd only be related by blood.

Da: You have got some serious fucking issues, pal.

-Dougie tosses Tom out of the room-

T: What the fuck guys? I want to get some ass too! What the fuck is going on in there?!

H: Why don't you just grab Danny's mom's ass? She's got a lot of it!

-Loud ripping noise and Harry is tossed out too-

H: They ripped a layer of skin off my balls! You know, if you weren't interfering all the time this would not have happened!

T: Look, I'm sorry your sister wouldn't fuck you. I'll make it up to you.

H: How?

T: Road trip.


End file.
